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Turmeric Latte
Kate Rancid
How do you order a turmeric latte,
Without sounding like you are massively twatty?

I practised my order for ages but yet
Could never quite muster the courage in Pret...
I wanted to try one, they looked really cool!
But each time I said it, I sounded a fool.
My voice is too north, I could not sound less toff-y,
(It’s a struggle just ordering a normal white coffee)...
In front of my mirror, I contorted and spat,
But try as I might, I just sounded a twat.
I saw others drink them, they looked so enticing,
All yellow and frothy and poshly inviting...
So finally this morning I thought, what the hell!
Who cares if I sound like the end of a bell!
I walked into Pret and with head held up high,
“A turmeric latte!” I said to the guy.
My face flushed with shame, but the horror was fleeting;
I escaped from the shop with my heart quickly beating.
Safe on the pavement, I lifted the lid
And finally tasted the yellow liquid...

[5 seconds later...]

The drink (and 3 quid) ended up down the drain.
People drink that shit?!
Fuck me.
The world is insane.


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