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Thesaurus
When four letters simply aren't enough...
Arse
Arsehole, bum, bumhole, chuff, butt, bottom, anus,
derriere, aris, bomb bay, corybungo, council gritter, Gary
Glitter, shitter, dirt box, rectum, gazoo, Hershey
Highway, Cadbury Alley, Khyber, loon pipe, poop chute,
ringpiece,
ring of fire (after a curry).
Cock
Penis, William, Willie, John Thomas, Bernard, Prince Charles, big
chap, hairy banana, dangler, dong, Donald, dingle-dangle,
dingle-dongle, urinator, Percy, piddle-me-ree, it, thingy,
rooster, shaft-throbber, chipolata, prime porker,
beef bayonet, King Prawn, horn, pinky, widdler, twig,
wang, wanger, tinkler, knob, blushing marrow, one-eyed
trouser snake, courgette, Proby, drink-on-a-stick,
steaming poker, kebab, the little gentleman in the pink
polo-neck, caber, Mother's Ruin, highball, bonio, wolfie,
spitfire, Flying Scotsman, weenie, cocktail sausage, offal
(Lesbian term), shank, chitterling, parsnip, porterhouse
snake, stigwood, fellow, small brown hovis, prodder,
oddment, item, organ, tool, dick, member, pork-sword,
princely pestle, stalk, phallus, part of shame, chopper,
woggle, tail, carrot, Tom Thumb, jiminy, flue, pisser,
dingaling, pecker, spout, crab ladder, after dinner mount,
stiffie, length, Horizontal Henry, wedgie, noble pile,
Tower of Babel, Cleopatra's nodule, pant-slimer,
pikestaff, prick, Third Leg, Long John Silver, stem,
flying buttress, jackstaff, jacko, frigger, outrigger,
pedicle, springbok, peer, sprag, stang, batten,
alpenstock, world-bearer, haft, pommel, lugworm, fleshy
fulcrum, Our Man In Havana, naughty Nureyev, horn o'
plenty, swelling billy, tongue of flame, his hard sex
(romantic usage), antler, urinary utensil, bare bodkin,
Brawny Brian, velvet viper, purple plunger, wick, pistol,
mighty zeppelin, trouser torpedo, spunk splasher, yang,
pod, spode, wife's best friend, bush bunny, Indian rope
trick, boss, Questing Quentin, happy handful, fleshy
fugelhorn, What? That pathetic little thing!, ripe robot,
pungle, bud, swizzle-stick, Old Bob Mellish, person,
wedding tackle, meat and two veg,
hedge-sidney, pink mamba, Sir Geko, bed flute, Ishmael the
Nail.
Homo
Gay, chutney ferret, poo pusher, uphill gardener, shit stabber,
turd burglar, shirt lifter, fudge packer, chod nobber,
arse bandit, sodite, sod, bugger, "nature has played a
cruel trick on him", not as other men, pederast, fag,
faggot, sausage jockey, driver of the chocolate motorway,
queer, homosexual, backpassage stalker, gentleman's
gentleman, toilet trader, Quentin, Marmite driller, brown
pipe engineer, plumber who comes in the tradesman's
entrance, one who bowls from the Pavilion end, brown
hatter, one who tarnishes his bobbies helmet, rear gunner,
rear admiral, pork swordsman, tail gunner, pusher of the
cheesy wheelbarrow, wind jammer, navigator of the windward
pass, gender bender, one who strolls down the Bourneville
Boulevard, botter, pillow biter, sponge, stone, chocolate
speedway rider, man who rears the chocolate starfish,
ginger beer, hoop stretcher, jobby jouster, kakpipe
cosmonaut, muddy funster, one who is good with colours,
one who prefers to dock with the rear unloading bay.
Puke
Vomit, throw up, be sick, hurl, yodelling down the great
white telephone, making a pavement pizza, spue, retch,
park one's cookie,
barf, heave, chunder, open the sluices, eructate, calling
Hughie and Ruth, regurgitate, technicolor yawn.
Shag
Have it away, give 'em one, make love, go at it hammer and
tongs, spear the bearded clam, slip 'em one, give the
ferret a run for its money, roger, boff, bonk, bang, root, plant
Percy in the playpen, hump, parking the Palethorpe, hiding
the sausage, making the two-backed beast, have it off,
tickling the toolkit, putting the nigger in the woodpile,
introducing Pinky and Perky, be engaged, nookie, punt,
poke, stuff, lay, bash, crunge, slip a length, the four
legged race, stoking the cosiglow, grapple, thrub, tunk,
dipple, dip the wick, muff-puff, dunkin' doughnuts, heave
to with a stiff breeze in the offing, make a deposit in
the Night-Safe, open an account at the sperm bank, badger,
bodge, exercise the beef bayonet, slime time, wet the
whistle, have a rebore, screw, pink piston practice,
jiggery-pokery, baiting the mousehole, groan, pant,
wheeze, croak, ufwufwufwuf, lean on the third elbow, make
a hole in the welcome mat, sausage roll, roll, be in
clover, ball, fuck (not nice), pillow, jogging The Oliver
Reed Way, a stiff Joan Collins with a cherry on top, the
Last Post, draw a stump, get one's oats, swive, grease the pole,
oofoofoofoofeeeeeg, proffer the nosebag to the cobra, dip
the quill, prong, rawl-plug, whip up a banana-split, do
it, plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the
land, stick Jeremy Beadle's head in a bucket, let the
llama look down the lift shaft, bouncy-bouncy, fly the
chopper into the oil-rig, do what Norman Lamont did to the
economy, make your own yoghurt, plump up the downstairs
dimple, tumble, another helping of pork and sago vicar,
stowing the anaconda in the ante-natal clinic, pledging
the pliant plesiosaur.
Slag
Tart,
slut,
slapper,
bint,
train,
bike,
nymphomaniac,
Martini,
Slack Alice,
goer,
roaster,
box of assorted creams.
Prostitute:
whore, ho, hooker, call girl, lady of the night, harlot
Shit
Turd,
motion,
dangleberries,
dog's egg,
stool,
log,
crap,
clagnuts,
diarrhoea,
winnits,
shite,
manure,
Richard III,
U-blocker,
bum cigar,
excrement,
faeces,
faecal matter,
kak,
dung,
depth charge,
brownie,
dead otter,
turtle's head,
Thora Hird,
Admiral Browning,
Bovril bullets,
brown trout.
Tits
Breasts, knockers, boobs, gazungas, lotties, mamms, baps,
assets (tabloid use), Bristols, Charlies, charms, chebs,
choozies, chubblies, fried eggs (when small), flea bites (when tiny)
fun bags,
thrupennies, headlamps, jelly water mangoes, waps, zeps, norgs,
Hindenburgs, Jenny, jubblies, pink pouffes, jugs, bosoms,
kahoonas, golden bodangers, kermungers, lils, norks, paps,
bazookas, hooters,
puppies, rib cushions, top bollocks, two puppies fighting
in a bag.
Twat
Vagina, bush, pussy, beef curtains, kipper, minge, fanny, hole,
bomb doors, fish flaps, fur burger, snatch, love tunnel, vertical smile,
fadge, beaver, Sigourney Weaver, Davey Crockett's hat,
fish mitten, haddock pastie, lab kebab, vertical bacon
sandwich, cunt (Vulg.), bearded clam, crack, slit,
slot, box, cavity, gash, gammon flaps, blit, spadger, spam
alley, stench tench, steak drapes, bliff, front bottom,
stilton muffle, stoat, quim, hairy cheque book, hairy cup,
hairy doughnut, hairy goblet, hairy lassoo, hairy pie,
velcro triangle, hee (Thai), salmon canyon, tuna town,
serpent socket, honey pot, captain's pie, lettuce, minnie
moo, Twix lips, monkey (as in "Does that monkey want a
banana?"), mott, mapatasi, norton, poe, beetle bonnet,
passion flaps, piss flaps, plumber's toolbag, furry
bicycle stand, axe wound, pink velvet sausage wallet.
Wank
Masturbate,
bash the bishop,
beat off,
beat the bishop,
beat the meat,
choke the chicken,
five knuckle shuffle,
flog your mule,
get to know yourself,
have sex with someone you love,
jack off,
jerk off,
jerkin' the Gherkin,
play a little five-on-one,
polish the family jewels,
shine the helmet,
slap the salami,
spank the monkey,
spank the salami,
take matters into your own hands,
take the monster for a one-armed ride,
toss off,
varnish the flagpole,
whack the one-eyed worm,
wax your surfboard,
whack off,
wrist aerobics,
yank the crank,
yank your plank,
one off the wrist,
visit Madam Palm and her five daughters,
turn Japanese,
tickle the trout,
crack one off,
shake hands with your wife's best friend,
feed the ducks.
This thesaurus is by no means complete and will be expanded as
more expressions are collated by our members.
If you have any contributions you would like to make to the
pooclub thesaurus, please send them to:
and we will be happy to include them.
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