When I am feeling pale and wan, like I might soon be dead,
When my legs have turned all wobbly and its spreading to my head,
I know I dont need vegetables, tomatoes or a quince,
I need the healing powers of a meal thats made from mince.
Some say eating green things is the way to stay alive,
But without my ground-up beef I just dont think I could survive.
Its affordable by all, if youre a pauper or a prince.
Oh wonderful, delectable, delicious-tasting mince.
I couldnt be a veggie, eating tofu every day.
Id probably get violent if you took my meat away.
My hands would be all blood-stained and would merit a good rinse,
Id be in jail, and all because you tried to nick my mince.
Yes some folk they will worship at the altar of a sprout,
But I wont entertain those things, theyre vile, I spit them out.
Theyre loathsome green carbuncles and their texture makes me wince.
Bugger them, theyre rancid, and Im happy with my mince.