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Kelp
Mike Stools
Kelp, kelp, lovely kelp,
Give me lots of kelp.
Pile it high upon my plate,
It's something I can't help.
It gives me wind and stomach cramps
And it makes me shit like fuck
But still I can't help eating it
I'll scoff it 'til I chuck.

I eat kelp for breakfast,
For my lunch and tea and supper.
I'll even eat it between meals
When I sit down for a cuppa.
Well, when I say "sit down" I guess
I really mean sit up,
Because my chairs are in a pile
I'm high up when I sup.

I eat my kelp in spring and summer,
Autumn and in winter.
I print out hi-res scans of it
Upon my faithful printer.
I staple kelp upon my walls
So anyone can try it.
It's a handy way to eat it
Now that it's my staple diet.

I thank you.



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